Compromise or Love???

Around a month back my cousin’s best friend Z got engaged to her long term boyfriend Y. It was a blessed event that cost no less than a wedding celebration. Hence all of us could only think of what the wedding would be like. Well this is not the reason why I am writing this time. But because of what I came across in these few days after spending a lot of time with the bride to be which I’d like to call the ideas of an archetypal lover.

She told me that she alleged that a marriage was more of an amalgamation of two souls than just two people staying together happily ever after. She had very typical ideas of love which involved sacrificing oneself for the other and trying to imbibe the partners likes and dislikes into one’s life so on and so forth. Z added that Y wanted her to stop working after they got married because he wanted her to take up the responsibilities of their family and everything that came along with it. And she gamely agreed to do so mitigating that these compromises were apart of married life and stated that she loves him too much to go against his wishes.

It’s not that I revile her ideas and philosophy but they are certainly not what I believe in. I deem that every person is an individual with his/her characteristics that set them apart from the other. And it is very indispensable to respect and accept them the way they are. Married life may bring about instances where one has to make significant number of sacrifices for the other. But where does one draw the line between sacrificing one’s choices and sacrificing one’s individuality? This question is poignant.

Can compromise be called love? If you truly love someone why is it so tricky to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, their likes and dislikes? There is no denying that nobody’s perfect. Then why is it that we tend to alter the individuality of the one we claim to love as per our wants and needs? Where does individuality get its place? Or is it that individuality has no place in a relationship? Is sacrificing one’s individuality the answer to a perfect relationship? But most importantly does a middle ground exist? The answer to these questions will obviously differ from person to person. As they say ‘To each one his own.’

Loving someone is not easy. It’s not like I’ve had many experiences but a wise person learns from the grave mistakes of the other’s. Changing someone or even expecting them to change is very egocentric and is an attribute of an insecure person. I believe to love is to let one be just the way they are. Love them for who they are and not for what you think they should be. Love is free from compromises. And it should remain the same even when you give that love a definite name like marriage. In the bargain of changing few attributes of your partner you may even end up loosing who you loved at a point in time.

I know for a fact that I can never comprehend the immensity of love. But I would love to make a statement that I consider valid- If the Almighty loves us the way we are wholly and solely why is it so thorny for us humans to love and accept the other the way he does especially when we claim our love to be true?